How do I forgive that person for what he/she did? How could I ever apologize and receive forgiveness from the person I hurt? Will God forgive me?
These are questions you and I ask at difficult times in life when we’ve been hurt by others.
Its not easy to forgive today. Wasn’t easy back in Bible days either. People have always struggled to both give and receive forgiveness. How to do this is what we’re here to help you find, and there’s no better nose than Bob’s to get you there.
Colossians 3:12-14 in the Contemporary English Version of the Bible
The heart of the good news in the Bible is forgiveness of sins. It comes through the person and work of Jesus Christ. Forgiveness is both an event, and a process. Forgiveness is to be a constant dynamic with our relationships because we live in a fallen world. People sin against us, and others hurt us. We sin against other people, and hurt them. Relational pain is a reality this side of heaven. But revenge and/or passive-aggressive behavior are not biblical ways of handling our hurt.
Bob did some sniffing around and found 6 biblical principles of what forgiveness is and is not:
1. Forgiveness is hard work.
Hebrews 9:13-14 (New International Version) – “The blood of bulls and goats and the ashes of a heifer sprinkled on those who are ceremonially unclean sanctify them so that they are outwardly clean. How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!”
God did not promise forgiveness would be cheap or easy. He knows exactly the kind of cost it brings. Through the death of Jesus there can be and is forgiveness.
2. Forgiveness is a process.
Ephesians 4:31-32 (New International Version) – “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Forgiveness is an ongoing process of putting off bad relational habits, and putting on good ones. It takes time, and can’t be hasty. Forgiveness must be deliberate with no shortcuts to it, otherwise it will not stick.
3. Forgiveness does not mean we condone bad behavior.
Matthew 18:32-33 (Contemporary English Version) – “You’re an evil man! When you begged for mercy, I said you did not have to pay back a cent. Don’t you think you should show pity to someone else, as I did to you?”
Forgiveness is not blanket amnesty. It doesn’t simply give another person a “pass” on their hurtful words or actions. Forgiveness just means we don’t hold the offense over the other person’s head. Dr. Fred Luskin from Stanford University does research in forgiveness, and says this about it: “Forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past.” We cannot undo the past. But we have control of the present, and can choose to forgive. True forgiveness calls a spade a spade and names the specific offense in all its ugliness, and lets it go.
4. Forgiveness does not always result in reconciliation.
Romans 12:18 (Common English Bible) – “If possible, to the best of your ability, live at peace with all people.”
Matthew 5:44 (New Revised Standard Version) – “But I [Jesus] say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”
Luke 23:34 (Holman Christian Standard Bible) – Jesus said [on the cross], “Father, forgive them, because they do not know what they are doing.”
It takes two to reconcile. It only takes one to forgive. I’ve often been told that it won’t do any good to forgive another person because it would not change them. That’s not the point. We forgive because it is our responsibility to work through our forgiveness issues and to do it. We are not in control of whether another person will feel sorry for what they did, or not. We are in control of our own decision to forgive, no matter what the other person does or does not do, or whether they feel the gravity of their sin, or not.
5. Forgiveness is primarily for our benefit.
Matthew 6:12, 14-15 (New Living Translation) – “Forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us…. If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
If you hold on to bitterness toward another for their offense, you’re not hurting anybody but yourself. Drinking the poison of bitterness will kill you, not the other person. Don’t have the magical thinking that they are going to come to you all slobbery sorry for what they said or did. That often does not happen. When it does, it’s a beautiful thing. But we forgive everyone who sins against us just as God has forgiven us.
6. Forgiveness is to happen liberally and often.
Matthew 18:21-22 (The Message) – “Peter got up the nerve to ask, ‘Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?’ Jesus replied, ‘Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven.’”
Relational currency in the kingdom of God is forgiveness. Without it, we can neither operate well together, nor can we enjoy a satisfying life. But with forgiveness is a demonstration of the practical effects of Christ’s crucifixion to life, not to mention a good witness to a watching world.
This page, along with the entire site, is under the continual scrutiny of Bob’s nose. We’ll keep giving you great content as Bob tracks down more and more Bible verses on forgiveness. Come on back and check in from time to time. Leave us a question, offer a comment, or visit the Contact page and get in touch with us.
Thanks. See you on the trail.
